After weeks of fair weather, April arrived with snow sitting upon my windowsill. I watched large white flakes tumble past the glass planes to dust the grass plainly struggling across the lawn. Hours later, the snow would vanish, chased away by a cold shower. But grey skies and their heavy clouds would still linger. For New England, capricious weather is not unusual, but even I thought that a taste of winter after the tease of spring was at best a cruel joke.

Still, I walked into the city in suede heels and sequined skirt. No amount of snow would deter me from my weekend. But the sky continued to drizzle and the temperature continued to sink. I wasn’t sure when I first felt the cold bite at my thighs or when I noticed my breath expel in compact puffs of fog. Winter creeped under my clothes. Cold kissed my fingers, my nose, my nipples, my toes. His bed couldn’t keep me warm. Their rowdy company still left me chilled. Winter had nestled deep beneath my skin once more.

Monday was miserable. It was an effort to leave bed. Tuesday was one prolonged anxious afternoon as I asked for letters of recommendation. Wednesday morning, I saw blue skies again, but I still worried about the clouds on the horizon. I hadn’t seen the greys of depression in months. Even these past few weeks, I had been energetic, productive, active. The exhaustion was sudden. The anxiety was frightening. Were these warnings for my shifting moods? Or were these normal responses from one too many weekends out on the town?

Sam told me without telling me that I should take my medication. I hadn’t touched the pills in months. Busy with work and problems with insurance, I had let this health regimen lapse. But I reopened the bottle this morning. I couldn’t ignore his advice, the same that I had given so many times to so many others. My moods were unexpected but predictable. Further neglect could mean another, more serious trip to the hospital.

I swallowed the little white pills easily. I didn’t need water anymore. Outside my window, the sky was still a beautiful bright blue. Inside, silently, I prayed.

Stay, spring. Please stay.