Language Barriers
DAD: Speak more slowly. Your English is too fast for me.
ME: I understand your fluent Chinese. Why can't you understand my fluent English?
ALEX: Checkmate.
diabola in musica
because perfection isn't easy
The Unethical Slut
HE: I just moved to Boston, and I am definitely ready to see what the city has to offer. And to do that with someone as sexy as yourself would be ideal!
ME: Does your wife know about this?
HE: No. It's complicated. I hope it's not a dealbreaker.
ME: It is a dealbreaker. I'm not interested in situations where one's partner has not consented.
HE: Okay. Would you consider accompanying me to a swinger party?
ME: ... no.
Self-Doubt
ME: I'm not sure if I'm really kinky.
HE: You are kinky. Trust me. This is like that time when you thought you would give up sex.
ME: That's right! And four days later, we had sex!
HE: For five hours.
A Different Kind Of Political Negotiation
ME: I spent my 10 minutes of arguing against a Ron Paul supporter for today. Any more and I will have an aneurism.
HE: 10 minutes a day? You're more giving than I am.
ME: I like pain. What can I say.
HE: "The kind of political discourse you need a safe word for."
Political Blindness
This election season, I have often found myself discussing the principles behind Ron Paul’s political philosophies. The conversations often end in deadlock because the other person and I have a fundamental disagreement about the federal government’s role in regulating civil rights and services. Other times, the conversations end in my jaw hitting the floor because I receive statements like this:
Well affirmative action is just a form of collectivism. Ron doesn’t believe in group rights like black rights, gay rights, women rights but rather individual rights. If we had individual rights then we wouldn’t have to worry about it.
That’s the Paul supporter version of “I don’t see race”.
Career Changer
HE: What made you leave neuroscience?
ME: The recession. I'd apply for lab jobs and then hear that the positions have been removed. This retail job was the first one I picked up after school.
HE: That's not uncommon. I know an entire lab that disappeared due to lack of funding.
ME: Oh good. So it's not really just me.
My Punny Friends, Act II.
The Seeker
HE: I clicked your Facebook "election fever" link to your blog and it was about 30 seconds before I could even READ the caption.
ME: I'm just getting people to be politically aware! The Iowa caucuses are next week, after all.
The Garden In Winter
ME: OMG! I need to take pictures of my Very First Snowless New England Christmas!
HE: Weird. Really?
ME: Yeap. Apparently there's snow in Texas, too.
HE: End times.
Fancies
HE: You walked in and dropped your panties within 60 seconds of entering my apartment.
ME: Damn. Really? I usually take at least 5 minutes to comment on the decor first.
HE: No, seriously, you were slipping them off AS you commented on the decor.