HE: I clicked your Facebook "election fever" link to your blog and it was about 30 seconds before I could even READ the caption.

ME: I'm just getting people to be politically aware! The Iowa caucuses are next week, after all.

ME: OMG! I need to take pictures of my Very First Snowless New England Christmas!

HE: Weird. Really?

ME: Yeap. Apparently there's snow in Texas, too.

HE: End times.

HE: You walked in and dropped your panties within 60 seconds of entering my apartment.

ME: Damn. Really? I usually take at least 5 minutes to comment on the decor first.

HE: No, seriously, you were slipping them off AS you commented on the decor.

SAM: If I enter a Bed Bath & Beyond, I'm like, "I'm going to spend ten billion dollars on furnishings. I HAVE TO LEAVE THIS PLACE."

ME: IKEA is your friend.

SAM: Eleven billion!

ME: You can be real clever, make your own digital art frame, and just change your statement piece whenever you want.

SAM: We're down to nine billion. This is good. You are a grounding influence.

ME: So I drew a ball with makeup the other day.

DAD: That's a very expensive ball.

ME: More so than ones made with art supplies?

HE: Done anything nasty recently? Well, nasty out-of-character?

ME: Just nasty in character. Y'know, the kinky sex and the threesomes.

HE: Same old, same old.

ME: I'll let you know when I fall madly in love and devote myself to one person. THAT will be a headline.

HE: You've been laying low as of late?

ME: Kinda. I'm a homebody, remember?

HE: I do remember. You don't like being in bad company, so you pick what you do carefully.

ME: Ah! Someone who understands.

HE: So what's new in your life?

ME: Applying for grad school. I lied when I said I was giving up academia. LADY NEEDS HER LEARNIN'. GIMME ANOTHER SHOT O' THAT HIGHER EDUCATION.

ME: I wish there were an easily understandable and linkable explanation of why trickle-down economics don't work. I would write one but I'm not an economist.

SHE: Wait. You're not?

ME: Didn't you know?

SHE: No!

ME: I only found out very recently. It was very disappointing. For years, I thought my spirit animal was an economist.