diabola in musica

because perfection isn't easy

I admit: I am being immature. This morning, I had a very long discussion with family after someone discovered a picture of me in this corset on Facebook. The conversation was civil, but we simply couldn’t see eye-to-eye. (I don’t think we even agreed to disagree.) We are too stubborn, and have too differing views on sartorial choices and expressions of sexuality for women. Though the discussion ended politely, my feathers were still ruffled. So today, when I post this picture of myself in a corset, I am raising an eyebrow at my family. Who are they to say what I can and cannot show to the world? It is a bit immature. Among the points family made were that women’ shouldn’t be valued solely on looks and sexuality. I don’t disagree. The implication, however, is that there is something wrong with expressing sexuality, that any allusion would diminish whatever value in my intellect and creativity. Instead, I should express my mind, not my body. I disagree. I say that I should do both. There is nothing inherently wrong or inappropriate with celebrating beauty or sexuality. There is also nothing wrong with celebrating something awesome, like a mint green corset that looks great with an orange collar. What is wrong is overvaluing appearance and sexuality to the exclusion of other qualities. Sometimes I want to be recognized for my appearance. Other times I want to be recognized for my mind. I know I am so much more than one or the other. I am both. We can all be both. Every time I post a picture of myself in a corset, I an raising my eyebrow at the world. Zoom

I admit: I am being immature.

This morning, I had a very long discussion with family after someone discovered a picture of me in this corset on Facebook. The conversation was civil, but we simply couldn’t see eye-to-eye. (I don’t think we even agreed to disagree.) We are too stubborn, and have too differing views on sartorial choices and expressions of sexuality for women. Though the discussion ended politely, my feathers were still ruffled. So today, when I post this picture of myself in a corset, I am raising an eyebrow at my family. Who are they to say what I can and cannot show to the world?

It is a bit immature.

Among the points family made were that women’ shouldn’t be valued solely on looks and sexuality. I don’t disagree. The implication, however, is that there is something wrong with expressing sexuality, that any allusion would diminish whatever value in my intellect and creativity. Instead, I should express my mind, not my body. I disagree. I say that I should do both.

There is nothing inherently wrong or inappropriate with celebrating beauty or sexuality. There is also nothing wrong with celebrating something awesome, like a mint green corset that looks great with an orange collar. What is wrong is overvaluing appearance and sexuality to the exclusion of other qualities. Sometimes I want to be recognized for my appearance. Other times I want to be recognized for my mind. I know I am so much more than one or the other. I am both. We can all be both.

Every time I post a picture of myself in a corset, I an raising my eyebrow at the world.

The Unethical Slut, Act II

That wasn’t the first time I was propositioned for an affair. The conservations were always the same. Dissatisfied with their sex lives and unable to find solutions, these men ignored the boundaries set by their partners and sought comfort without consent. They wanted to be cheaters.

They would use any and every excuse: She wouldn’t approve anyway; it would hurt her feelings if I asked; I would lose her if I brought it up; she just wouldn’t understand. For some, these make the forlorn call of a sad lonely man whose partner doesn’t understand him. I hear a selfish person who has poor communication skills, poor self-knowledge, and trust issues. For some, these would make the perfect guy to fix up. For me, these are all dealbreakers.

Cheaters are selfish, obviously, because they act without regard for their partners’ happiness, but I think maybe I am selfish, too. Maybe I’m selfish for wanting a week without men asking if slutty me would fuck them behind their partners’ backs. Maybe I’m selfish for telling people to negotiate for the sex they want. Maybe I’m selfish for believing a society that values communication over exclusivity in relationships would have happier, more confident people with better sex lives. Those desires are all selfish because realized, they would mean I deal with fewer men who want to cheat on their partners, but somehow I can’t imagine why fewer cheaters would be a terrible thing.

The Unethical Slut

HE: I just moved to Boston, and I am definitely ready to see what the city has to offer. And to do that with someone as sexy as yourself would be ideal!

ME: Does your wife know about this?

HE: No. It's complicated. I hope it's not a dealbreaker.

ME: It is a dealbreaker. I'm not interested in situations where one's partner has not consented.

HE: Okay. Would you consider accompanying me to a swinger party?

ME: ... no.

Political Blindness

This election season, I have often found myself discussing the principles behind Ron Paul’s political philosophies. The conversations often end in deadlock because the other person and I have a fundamental disagreement about the federal government’s role in regulating civil rights and services. Other times, the conversations end in my jaw hitting the floor because I receive statements like this: 

Well affirmative action is just a form of collectivism. Ron doesn’t believe in group rights like black rights, gay rights, women rights but rather individual rights. If we had individual rights then we wouldn’t have to worry about it.

That’s the Paul supporter version of “I don’t see race”.

This past weekend was the second field test for Project Catgirl. Last fall, I took the ears out for a spin around downtown Boston, but the battery pack didn’t survive my brisk step and being attached to my hip. Now the power source is worn on a harness around the chest (right under my bra strap), and the switches can be easily accessed through the fabric of my sweater. If the electronics crash, they can easily reset by the press of a button (as opposed to ruffling blindly up my skirt). I was surprised at how quickly I got accustomed to wearing a set of robotic ears. I didn’t receive any direct feedback on what the ears were doing, but I was aware, vaguely, of their activity by whirring noises in my ears whenever they move. They were easily assimilated as part of my wardrobe, but they were also independent enough, I address them as separate entities. I commented on how “the ears” don’t find Newbury Street interesting, because I was there all the time so there was nothing new that caught my attention. Visiting Coolidge Corner, however, was very exciting for the ears, especially since there were many new things to see at Good Vibrations. Familiar actions were also uninteresting to the ears. Though I considered myself being very attentive when applying makeup, the process is so practiced, the ears didn’t consider it a very interesting activity. Only new environments and behaviors, stimuli that require me to process new information, excited the ears This is no surprise since the NeuroSky headset measures mid-range beta waves, which are associated with active concentration. The next prototype will have smaller leather ears with fur to cover the gears. Right now, the ears are large, bulky, and the cloth covering catches as the ears rotate. There is also talk about many other changes to the power source, but that is still further down the road. Zoom

This past weekend was the second field test for Project Catgirl. Last fall, I took the ears out for a spin around downtown Boston, but the battery pack didn’t survive my brisk step and being attached to my hip. Now the power source is worn on a harness around the chest (right under my bra strap), and the switches can be easily accessed through the fabric of my sweater. If the electronics crash, they can easily reset by the press of a button (as opposed to ruffling blindly up my skirt).

I was surprised at how quickly I got accustomed to wearing a set of robotic ears. I didn’t receive any direct feedback on what the ears were doing, but I was aware, vaguely, of their activity by whirring noises in my ears whenever they move. They were easily assimilated as part of my wardrobe, but they were also independent enough, I address them as separate entities.

I commented on how “the ears” don’t find Newbury Street interesting, because I was there all the time so there was nothing new that caught my attention. Visiting Coolidge Corner, however, was very exciting for the ears, especially since there were many new things to see at Good Vibrations. Familiar actions were also uninteresting to the ears. Though I considered myself being very attentive when applying makeup, the process is so practiced, the ears didn’t consider it a very interesting activity. Only new environments and behaviors, stimuli that require me to process new information, excited the ears This is no surprise since the NeuroSky headset measures mid-range beta waves, which are associated with active concentration.

The next prototype will have smaller leather ears with fur to cover the gears. Right now, the ears are large, bulky, and the cloth covering catches as the ears rotate. There is also talk about many other changes to the power source, but that is still further down the road.

Career Changer

HE: What made you leave neuroscience?

ME: The recession. I'd apply for lab jobs and then hear that the positions have been removed. This retail job was the first one I picked up after school.

HE: That's not uncommon. I know an entire lab that disappeared due to lack of funding.

ME: Oh good. So it's not really just me.

Election Night, Iowa Edition

ME: The Iowa caucus process is complicated. There are separate systems for each party. For the Republicans, most voters write their candidate's name. Some do a hand count, but others get a printed ballot. Also, the caucus doesn't directly select the delegates that go to Republican National Convention. There are, I think, three additional levels of delegate selection before the RNC. Iowa is the first in the nation to have elections, but they are one of the last to choose delegates.

DAD: With a system that complicated, no wonder. They need the time.